How to Not Be Toxic in a Relationship: 8 Steps to Maintaining Healthy and Respectful Communication

Introduction

Relationships are essential for our wellbeing and happiness. But when relationships become unhealthy, they can be incredibly damaging – both emotionally and mentally. In order to have a healthy and successful relationship, it is important to understand how to not be toxic in a relationship.

But first, let’s define what a toxic relationship is. According to an article from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, “A toxic relationship is one that is characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.” These behaviors can include verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, blame, criticism, and more.

Toxic relationships are unfortunately all too common. A recent survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that almost 40% of adults reported having experienced at least one toxic relationship in the past year. It is clear that understanding how to not be toxic in a relationship is an important issue to address.

Listening to Your Partner and Being Open to Their Perspective

One of the most important ways to not be toxic in a relationship is to ensure that you are listening to your partner and being open to their perspective. It is only through actively listening that we can truly understand the feelings of our partner and come to a resolution that works for both parties.

Dr. Steven Stosny, author of Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain Under Any Kind of Stress, explains why this is so important: “No matter what your intention, if your partner doesn’t feel heard, your words won’t mean much. Empathy is the key to being heard. When your partner feels understood, he or she will be more likely to hear and consider your point of view.”

So, how can you ensure that you are actively listening to your partner and being open to their perspective? Here are some strategies:

• Be mindful of your body language. Make sure you are facing your partner and using facial expressions that show you are engaged in the conversation.
• Ask questions to make sure you understand their point of view.
• Repeat back what your partner has said to make sure you have correctly understood them.
• Be patient and don’t interrupt.
• Don’t be afraid to take a break to cool off if needed.

Making an Effort to Resolve Conflicts Constructively

It is inevitable that couples will experience conflicts in their relationship. However, it is important to make an effort to resolve these conflicts in a constructive and respectful manner.

Dr. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, explains why this is so important: “Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but couples can learn how to fight fair. This means no name-calling, blaming, or disrespecting each other. Instead, couples should focus on solving the problem and finding a solution that works for both partners.”

So, how can you ensure that you are resolving conflicts constructively? Here are some strategies:

• Focus on the issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances.
• Express your feelings without attacking your partner.
• Listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective.
• Work together to find a compromise.
• Take breaks if needed to cool down and come back to the conversation later.

Respecting Each Other’s Boundaries

It is also important to remember to respect each other’s boundaries in a relationship. This means understanding that each person has the right to say no and to have their own opinions and beliefs.

According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “When people feel respected, they are more likely to feel secure and connected to their partner, which can lead to better communication and a healthier relationship overall.”

So, how can you ensure that you are respecting each other’s boundaries? Here are some strategies:

• Respect your partner’s opinions and beliefs even if you don’t agree with them.
• Don’t pressure your partner into doing something they don’t want to do.
• Give each other space and alone time when necessary.
• Agree to disagree when necessary.
• Be honest and upfront about your feelings and needs.

Avoiding Blame and Criticism

Another important way to not be toxic in a relationship is to avoid blame and criticism. Blame and criticism can be incredibly damaging to a relationship and can leave both partners feeling resentful and misunderstood.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, “Criticism is the opposite of love. It is aimed at changing behavior and usually involves putting someone down. Criticism is destructive to relationships because it communicates contempt and disrespect.”

So, how can you ensure that you are avoiding blame and criticism? Here are some strategies:

• Instead of blaming your partner, focus on discussing the issue at hand.
• Use “I” statements to express your feelings instead of pointing the finger at your partner.
• Focus on finding solutions to the problem rather than assigning blame.
• If you are feeling angry, take a break and come back to the conversation when you are feeling calmer.
• Be mindful of your tone and ensure that you are speaking in a respectful manner.

Communicating Clearly and Openly

In order to have a successful relationship, it is important to communicate clearly and openly. This means expressing yourself honestly and being willing to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

According to research published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, “Clear communication is essential for a healthy, long-term relationship. It allows partners to understand each other’s perspectives and feelings, as well as work towards mutually beneficial solutions.”

So, how can you ensure that you are communicating clearly and openly? Here are some strategies:

• Be honest and direct when expressing your feelings.
• Be willing to have difficult conversations when necessary.
• Be open to hearing your partner’s point of view.
• Avoid making assumptions and ask questions instead.
• Be aware of nonverbal cues such as body language and facial expressions.

Showing Appreciation for Each Other

Finally, it is important to remember to show appreciation for each other. Expressing gratitude and admiration for your partner can go a long way in strengthening your relationship and creating a positive environment.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “Expressing appreciation can help to build trust and increase feelings of intimacy and connection between partners. It can also foster a sense of mutual respect and help to create a safe and supportive environment.”

So, how can you ensure that you are showing appreciation for each other? Here are some strategies:

• Tell your partner what you appreciate about them.
• Recognize your partner’s accomplishments.
• Make time to spend quality time together.
• Compliment your partner regularly.
• Show physical affection when appropriate.

Conclusion

Being toxic in a relationship is never a good thing. In order to have a successful and healthy relationship, it is important to understand how to not be toxic in a relationship. This includes listening to your partner and being open to their perspective, making an effort to resolve conflicts constructively, respecting each other’s boundaries, avoiding blame and criticism, communicating clearly and openly, and showing appreciation for each other.

By following these steps, you can ensure that you are fostering a healthy and respectful relationship with your partner.