Introduction
People pleasers are those who put others’ needs before their own, often to the point of sacrificing their own needs and wants. They are often described as “people-pleasing perfectionists” who try to please everyone around them in order to avoid conflict or criticism. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to help others, it can become a problem when it starts to interfere with one’s happiness and wellbeing.
Set Boundaries
In order to stop being a people pleaser, it is important to set clear boundaries. This means deciding what you are and are not willing to do and communicating these boundaries to the people around you. This can be difficult at first, but it can be helpful to think about what is important to you and what limits you have. It is also beneficial to practice saying no in order to get more comfortable with setting boundaries.
According to psychotherapist Heather J. Frey, LPC, “Setting boundaries is an important part of self-care and can help to reduce stress and anxiety. When we understand our limits and communicate them to others, we can create relationships that are healthier and more balanced.”
Learn to Say No
Learning to say no is another important step in stopping the cycle of people pleasing. Saying no can feel uncomfortable at first, but it is important to remember that it is ok to decline requests if they don’t align with your values or goals. It is also important to recognize that it is ok to change your mind.
According to psychologist Dr. Paul Coleman, “Saying no is a valuable skill that can help to improve relationships and increase self-confidence. It can be empowering to take control of your life and make decisions that are best for you.”
Don’t Apologize Unnecessarily
Another important step in stopping the cycle of people pleasing is to stop apologizing unnecessarily. People pleasers tend to apologize for everything, even when it is not their fault. While it is important to apologize when appropriate, it is also important to recognize when an apology is not necessary.
According to psychologist Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, “Apologizing too much can undermine your credibility and make you seem weak or insecure. It is important to acknowledge when something is your fault, but it is also important to recognize when an apology is not needed.”
Re-evaluate Your Motivations
It is also important to re-evaluate your motivations for doing things. People pleasers often do things out of a desire to please others and to avoid conflict or criticism. It is important to ask yourself why you are doing something and if it is really worth it. If it is not worth it, then it may be best to decline the request or find an alternative solution.
According to psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone, “It is important to take a step back and evaluate why you are doing something. Ask yourself if it is coming from a place of genuine care for the other person or if it is coming from a fear of upsetting them. If it is coming from the latter, it may be best to reconsider if it is worth it.”
Take Time for Yourself
Finally, it is important to take time for yourself. People pleasers often forget to prioritize their own needs, so it is important to schedule regular time for yourself. This can be anything from taking a walk, reading a book, or just taking some time to relax. Taking time for yourself can help to reduce stress and give you the energy to handle people pleasing situations.
According to psychologist Dr. Darlene Tando, “Taking time for yourself is an important part of self-care. It can help to reduce stress and give you the energy to handle people pleasing situations. Taking time for yourself can also help to give you perspective on what is really important to you.”
Conclusion
Stopping the cycle of people pleasing can be difficult, but it is possible. It is important to set boundaries and learn to say no, as well as re-evaluate your motivations and take time for yourself. Remember that it is ok to decline requests if they don’t align with your values or goals, and it is ok to change your mind. Taking time for yourself can help to reduce stress and give you the energy to handle people pleasing situations.
By setting boundaries, learning to say no, re-evaluating your motivations, and taking time for yourself, you can break the cycle of people pleasing and start living a life that is true to yourself.
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