Introduction
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of empathy, an excessive need for admiration, and an inflated sense of self-importance. While not all people with narcissistic traits are considered to have the disorder, they may still cause harm in relationships. Understanding how to be in a relationship with a narcissist can help protect your emotional health and wellbeing.
Understand the Dynamics of Narcissism
Before you can learn how to be in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to understand the dynamics of narcissistic behavior. According to the Mayo Clinic, some common characteristics of narcissistic behavior include “an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, a constant need for attention and praise, [and] expectations of special treatment.”1
It can be difficult to recognize signs of narcissism in relationships because narcissists often appear charming and confident on the surface. However, over time, their true colors will likely begin to show. If your partner frequently belittles you, manipulates you, or refuses to take responsibility for their actions, these could all be signs of a narcissistic personality disorder.2
Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
When it comes to knowing how to be in a relationship with a narcissist, one of the most important things to do is set healthy boundaries. This means identifying what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate in the relationship. It’s essential that you communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently, so that your partner knows where they stand.
For example, if your partner constantly criticizes you, it’s important that you make it clear that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Let them know that you will not tolerate any form of verbal abuse and that if they continue to behave in this way, there will be consequences. Establishing this type of boundary can help prevent your partner from taking advantage of you and can help protect your emotional health and wellbeing.
Don’t Blame Yourself for Their Behavior
When it comes to knowing how to be in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to understand that you can’t change them. Despite your best efforts, you cannot force someone to change their behavior if they don’t want to. It’s also important to remember that it is not your fault if your partner behaves in a narcissistic way. You can’t control their behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.
As psychotherapist Shannon Thomas explains, “You cannot fix a person who does not want to be fixed. A person must recognize that they have a problem and be willing to do the work required to change. Until then, all the effort you put into trying to fix them will only lead to further frustration and exhaustion for you.”3
Don’t Try to Change Them
When it comes to knowing how to be in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to avoid having unrealistic expectations. Trying to change your partner’s behavior is rarely effective and often leads to feelings of resentment and frustration. Instead, focus on understanding their behavior and learning how to respond in a way that works for you.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Shantel Gunnett emphasizes the importance of accepting your partner for who they are. “The goal should be to accept them as they are and not try to change them. You must understand that they are who they are and they may never change. Accepting them as they are is key in learning how to cope with the relationship and maintain healthy boundaries.”4
Practice Self-Care
When it comes to knowing how to be in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s essential to practice self-care. Taking time for yourself is essential for managing stress and protecting your emotional health and wellbeing. Find activities that bring you joy and make sure to schedule time for yourself every day. This could be anything from going for a walk, reading a book, or listening to music.
It’s also important to find healthy ways to manage stress. This could include talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or engaging in physical activity. Whatever your preferred method of stress relief, make sure to prioritize it and carve out time for it in your daily schedule.
Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If you’re struggling to cope with a narcissistic partner, it may be time to reach out for professional help. Licensed mental health professionals can provide support and guidance on how to navigate your relationship in a healthy way. They can also help you identify strategies for setting boundaries and engaging in self-care.
Psychologist Dr. Todd B. Kashdan emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help when necessary. “If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and create better boundaries. They can also help you explore why you are attracted to a narcissist in the first place and help you break the cycle.”5
Conclusion
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult and draining. However, by understanding the dynamics of narcissistic behavior, setting boundaries, avoiding unreasonable expectations, and engaging in self-care, you can protect your emotional health and wellbeing and learn how to navigate the relationship in a healthy way. If necessary, seek professional help to ensure that you have the support and guidance you need.
1“Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” Mayo Clinic, accessed April 8, 2021, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662.
2“Signs of Narcissism in Relationships,” Psychology Today, accessed April 8, 2021, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201605/signs-narcissism-in-relationships.
3Shannon Thomas, “7 Signs You’re In a Relationship With a Narcissist,” Verywell Mind, accessed April 8, 2021, https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-narcissist-in-a-relationship-4583045.
4Shantel Gunnett, “How To Deal With a Narcissist: 5 Secrets Backed By Research,” Barking Up the Wrong Tree, accessed April 8, 2021, https://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/.
5Dr. Todd B. Kashdan, “7 Ways to Deal With a Narcissist,” Psychology Today, accessed April 8, 2021, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-distracted-couple/201909/7-ways-deal-narcissist.
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